Working through upheaval
My family recently went through a major upheaval when my grandfather passed away, and I suddenly found myself trying to get work done while also having a major moment in my life happening in the background. It’s as if I was sitting there, on a call, while chaos was happening in slow motion over my shoulder. I wanted to stop and fix it, but I knew I also needed to continue forward. We can’t just pause life, and, man, that’s tough sometimes.
Yet, I was lucky—I could walk away for a week, with lovely understanding clients waiting for my return and leaving me be in the meantime.
Come that week, though, the work I wished I could pause suddenly became something that I wished I couldn’t. I wanted the space, but I also wanted the distraction. To get lost in a task and know I was doing something well. Instead of what felt like bumbling through this family struggle, I wanted to be doing something where I felt competent. Returning back to my schedule and clients (who I talk to at least weekly and are all wonderful) felt like relief by the end of it all.
All of this made me wonder how we all are expected to just continue forward, and how to navigate personal issues at work.
Questions passed me by as I tried to figure it out in the initial days: Do I tell them why I’m off or working slow right now? Do I pretend nothing happened? I don’t want sympathy but I want lowered expectations, so how do I walk that line?
There’s no one good way to work through a hard time in your life, and there’s no real judgment on how hard or easy each upheaval should be. For example, people get bereavement leave when family members pass, but what about friends or pets? Sometimes the latter means more or hurts more than the former.
Where do we find space for humanity in any work environment?
Having negative experiences with this is why I left multiple previous jobs, and the main reason I often say to people, “I’ve learned I’m my own best boss.” There are resources out there (my friend, Carole Ann, published a great article about grief at work) but no one understanding in our society of how to help each other or what should be done.
So I was lucky, despite feeling like everything was going nuts around me, that I was able to take the time I needed, ignoring my impulse to escape into work and instead allowing myself to separate the two. It meant I came back with a bit of a clearer head (although admittedly I still feel in a bit of a fog about it sometimes).
I can only hope others also have their own “best bosses” (to be fair, I’m also my own worst boss sometimes; may the best always win out) and can take the time they need when that upheaval happens.
Lesson Learned: You never know what others are going through at any given moment. Extending grace to others means they will give it back to you in return when the time comes.
